The Biggest Mistake People Make on Dating Apps
This piece of advice will save your dating app conversations!
Dating apps can be… frustrating.
You swipe, match with someone, start a conversation, talk for a bit, and then it goes nowhere.
Most conversations are like this on repeat, which is my I’m a huge supporter of meeting up or getting on a video call as soon as possible.
Instead of letting your frustration get the better of you and deleting, then redownloading your dating apps, I want you to make one small, but life-altering change first.
What to do:
Say something interesting and then ask them a question.
Answer their question and ask them something else. We call this “yes and-ing”.
“Yes.. and … What about you? Do you like to (insert action here)?”
What not to do:
Answer with one word. You are not a robot.
Write “hbu”? ie. How about you? You are a grown man or woman, how hard is it to type out that three-word question?
Ask “Hey. How are you?” every three days or so, instead of keeping the conversation going!
Imagine you’re at a colleague’s party and chatting with the attractive person next to you (the real-life equivalent of swiping right). Would you be as standoff-ish to that person as you would on a dating app?
But chatting to some people (yes, even people you are attracted to) can feel like you’re talking to a wall. Don’t be the wall. Everyone is boring until you ask them to discuss something they’re passionate about. Once you hit that subject, you probably won’t be able to get them to STOP talking.
Getting Things Going on a Dating App
So, how do you keep the conversation flowing online without being able to observe their tone, intonation, and body language? You use their dating app profile. Check out where their photos are taken and ask them, “Where were you in the 2nd photo?”, “How did you like it?”, or “Would you ever go back?” If it’s an activity photo ask them, “How long have you been playing?” or “How often do you (insert activity)?” Lastly, comment about if you have or if you’d like to try the activity.
This advice is for MEN and WOMEN because I’ve seen it while running countless profiles for both. DO NOT assume that they should be the one pursuing and wanting to get to know you if you’re not reciprocating attention. You’re on an equal playing field. If you don’t have the bandwidth to inquire about the person you matched with – it might be time to take a step back and re-evaluate where you are on your dating after divorce journey and if you need to take a break from dating altogether.
So, what do you do when you find yourself in a one-sided conversation online? Do you leave the conversation on the app for weeks without saying anything? Do you unmatch them?
If you find yourself being left on read more often than you’d like just follow these steps:
Step 1: Start using my “yes and” rule in your app conversations.
Step 2: Take a step back to evaluate what you could be changing to improve your dating life.
Step 3: Inquire for service here.
Lastly, don’t forget to follow up.
Following up days or even weeks after a conversation doesn’t make you vulnerable or needy. You’re both there to meet new people. Give it one more shot before you write that person off for good.
Don’t miss helpful advice like this sent directly to your inbox every week by signing up for our free newsletter here!
