How the hell do I even flirt at 40?
Remember flirting with your first crush? It seemed a lot easier back in fourth grade. You passed notes. You were awkward. But it was simple — there weren't a lot of expectations because no one knew what they were doing.
Now that we’re adults it feels that flirting is so complicated.
How the hell do I even flirt at 40?
Being flirty in your 40s is about being open and enjoying yourself in the moment. Your job while dating is to be your most authentic self to attract the right person for you. So, instead of going back and rewatching Sixteen Candles for one-liners, let’s go over how to flirt like an adult.
A few key things to remember when flirting over 40:
You need to dress the part.
Pay attention to your body language!
Compliment your date.
Get out of work mode!
Dress the Part
Whether you’re going on a Zoom date or in person, it’s always important to put effort into your appearance.
Whatever you decide to wear, make sure you feel comfortable. Wear something that you feel sexy in and won’t be tugging at because it’s too short or tight. Also, leave the yoga pants and basketball shorts at home unless your first date is an activity.
Lastly, make sure you feel confident when you show up. Walk into your first date like you own the place, smile, shake hands (firmly — no wet fish handshakes, please) or hug if that’s your thing. The way you feel about yourself is evident as soon as you show up on the date.
Nothing you put on is sexier than a confident attitude. Remember, you're a catch.
Mind Your Body Language
Have you ever heard that when you’re on the phone you should make yourself smile because it makes you sound more friendly? The same goes for a first date. Smiling is such an attractive trait on someone when you first meet them. By smiling in a genuine way, you’re showing that you’re approachable and happy to be there.
If you are on a date in person, be mindful that your body language is speaking for you as well. Wherever you’re sitting, make sure to face your date, sit up straight, and don’t cross your arms. We often forget how important eye contact is for non-verbal communication. By looking at your date you’re showing that you’re engaged and interested in what they’re saying.
As a woman, one of my favorite ways of showing a date that I was interested was to reach across the table (or beside me if we were sitting at the bar) and say something while I laid my hand on their forearm briefly. This light touch is a quick and flirty way of letting them know you’re attracted to them. Until that point, you may have not touched and it shows your date you’re open to it.
For men, I recommend waiting until the second or third date for a hand on the knee or anything like that. You don’t want to come off too strong and risk making her feel uncomfortable. Read her body language. Go for a kiss on the cheek before ever going in for the full kiss.
Compliment your date
I hear from men and women every day about what their dates have been lacking.
I’m going to let the ladies in on a little secret, men LOVE it when you compliment them. There’s a misconception that men don’t need to be told they look good. Trust me ladies, they do. If you start your date off by telling him that he looks nice, or he has a great smile, even if he smells great — that will get things started off on the right track!
For my men reading this the same suggestions apply to you, just do not lead with “You look so sexy.” Compliment her in a more subtle way (ie. you have beautiful eyes, smile, etc.).
Get out of work mode
This can be easier said than done. If you’ve had a difficult day at work it can be challenging to not let that mood roll over to the evening and potentially poison your date.
If your date is on Facetime or Zoom that does not excuse you from getting out of work mode. After work, get up, put some fun music on and make yourself a cup of coffee, tea, wine, or whatever your beverage of choice is and act like you’re getting ready for an actual date. Otherwise, it will probably feel you’re interviewing someone for work, instead of a potential love interest.
Dating is supposed to be FUN, so make sure you're in a positive mindset when getting ready to meet this new person.
Final Thoughts
40 is the new 30. You’ve had good and bad experiences and now you know what you want and don’t want. Don’t get into your head before even putting yourself out there.
You didn’t get divorced to settle. You owe it to yourself and your kiddos (if you have them) to explore the dating scene.
Remember to show up to your dates with the mindset that you’ll be open to anything (within reason). Even if your date isn’t “the one” they can still be someone to enjoy spending time (or just one drink) with.
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